Another Update

I thought mayhap the people out there who read my blog would like something else to look at. So here goes.

I and currently sitting in the school on someone else's laptop because I cannot use one of the computers in the library. I wanted to edit this thing i wrote, and those who know me well will know what this is, but there were classes in two of the computer labs, and i still don't have word on my laptop, so i am at the mercy of the schools computer availability. So now i sit. Waiting. I might go back to my dorm, depending on how i feel when i get this written and done, and if it's not 3:15 yet at that time (that's the earliest the labs open) then i will probably go back to my dorm and indulge my inner gamer and play some PS2. Or if it's around that time of day, i will go to williams and get a smoothie or something, and wait for the time to come.

So my summer was pretty dull. I worked all summer, didn't take any time off work really to take vacations, i took them on weekends. And even them it was only 3. One in June, after Amie's birthday, i went up to Amie's cottage with Jess and we spent an extended weekend up there. It was soooo nice to relax and recharge, if you will. The next weekend was the Civic Holiday, and i went up to Amie's again with Evan this time, and as relaxing as the weekend was.....welll....lets just say that there were issues.

My final holiday was to BC for my cousin Pete's wedding. I had a great time, as short as it was. I really had a good time there with my cousins and the rest of the fam, but unfortunately after the weekend they all had to go back to work, and i had to go to school the next weekend.

That was the last time i could really relax. Because as soon as i got back in Ontario i had to worry about moving everything and packing and if my sister was going have her babies and did we have everything we needed in our dorm and would the chores be done that weekend and would the dog survive his siezures and....and....and.....

Well you can see. I know i'm not the only person who is stressed out, but i'm just saying that the last time that i really got to sit, relax, and not worry about a thing was when i was in BC the weekend before labour day. And so, if you talk to me, i refer back to that time.

Well thats it for now, i'll leave you all. Now that i'm in school though i'll probably keep in touch with this thing more often then not....hopefully.

ta-ta

Late night

Hey there all you people without lives who just read blogs all day. And others.

I just thought i'd write a little post, mostly because someone was bugging me that i don't put enough stuff down here. Well here goes nothing.

I have a large family. 8 kids for my parents, and all of them are married except for me. Whopee. And they all of kids. In fact, my parents are grandparents to over 20 children. Talk about big.

Well one thing I like to complain about it, you guessed it, my family. They're always bugging me about one thing or the other, usually about boys and if i have a boyfriend, or about my life in general. I say they're all jealous because they're stuck with their kids and spouses and can't just do what they want. lol.

One thing is for sure though, they all want to know about my life. More than i want them to know. And they interfere, and get all nosy when my friends come over. Sometimes i need to get away because, living away at school, i'm just not used to it anymore.

But today i realized that i really don't have anything to complain about. They love me. My parents love me enough to not give me money just for the heck of it. My brothers love me enough that they would beat any guy to a bloody little pulp for insulting me. And my sisters love me enough to genuinely care about what's going on in my life.

Sure they may bug me about being spoiled because i'm the youngest, and they may make me make coffee for them when they are working on my house, instead of getting it themselves, i know for sure, deep down to my very soul, that they will support me no matter what i choose to do with my life, and will always me there when i need them.

I'm writing this blog today about them because i heard today of a family that is in my community, and has connections with friends of mine. This family is, on the surface, ideal. But the problems lie within. There is a daughter in this family of seven who is constantly picked. The minute she opens her mouth and says something, they put her down and make her feel unloved. But she more than feels unloved, she is even told by one of her siblings, often and repeatedly, that he hates her. Now this is no childhood tiff. The brother is in his last year of highschool, almost an adult, and old enough to know how this could effect his sister. But already she is showing signs of being the victim, and not knowing a families love.

Also, in the line of work that my parents are in, i see a lot of young children who come from homes where their parents do not want them, or are incapable of caring properly for their children. i cannot even comprehend a life without my parents, or not having anyone behind me, supporting me through all my troubles.

I hope anyone who reads this will take this into account and look back on their own family. I'm not saying mine is perfect, nor am i saying that i am a victim. But you do not know how much the love of a good family can make someone feel safe and secure in themselves.

Think about it.

And if anyone of my massive family reads this, just remember, i love you.

Wind

The wind is a beautiful thing. It's amazing actually. It is invisible, you cannot see it, but only feel it, but it can carry things, like smells, and sounds.

There are different kinds of wind. Ones that make you draw close to yourself and wrap your arms around to keep warm and the cold fingers of ice from sneaking into your body. But then there are ones that make you open your arms to welcome the air rushing at you, waiting for it to lift you up and take you away.

There are winds that can steal your breath away, and others that gently caress your cheek.

There are evil winds that bring huge waves crashing in on the boats and rip house and trees right out of the ground. And there are good winds that fill that sails of small vessels, and bring a cooling breeze on a hot day.

But i've been talking about the it as if it were seperate things, or identities, like people. It is, but they all come together to create one glorious, ruthless, and beautiful element.

Wind

Moods

I've decided that my moods are like the weather. They can be extreme, and fierce. But they usually end shortly after beginning, to reveal a bright, normal, happy, sort of, me.

But i could be totally wrong. I mean didn't i just go on a whole rant about how my emotions are hidden and all that? pfff.

I don't know. I just like the weather i guess. No matter how rough and dangerous it gets, above the clouds there's always a blue sky.

Circulation

My feet are really cold right now. I know that if i get my bum off this chair and start doing house work like i am supposed to, they would warm up. But i'm too lazy to do that, plus i hate doing house work. My parents are coming home tonight though, and my mom asked me to do some basic cleaning things, like vacuum and wash the floor, before they come home. Bah.

Well back to my feet. Usually i'm not cold. I normally have nice warm and dry hands, but for some reason lately my feet have been rather cold. Now it could be that the temperature in my house right now is 12 degrees celsius, or i have bad circulation below my ankles, wait, my knees, because my knees are fine. Of course, i am wearing shorts and a sweater.....hmmm. You know, whenever someone tells me they're hands are always cold i tell them they have bad circulation. but hey, i'm not a doctor, my dad is, maybe that person should just wear warmer clothing, or mittens?

just one last complaint. while we're still on the topic of wearing more clothes to get warmer, why do people wear jeans and a t-shirt in the middle of the winter, look at the thermostat, see that its only at 20 degrees celsius, and complain that they are cold? Then when you tell to put a sweater on, they go upstairs, but one on, then come down 5 mins later, and say they're still cold.

i love winter. in the summer there are lots of yucky bugs and if its really warm out you can only take so many layers off before you could be arrested for indecent exposure. But in the winter you can put as many layers on as you want and be all warm and cozy, and all the bugs are dead.

Good Morning

and a good morning it is. It's a beautiful day outside and i have to spend it slaving away in the hot sun painting the arbour and the garage. Then i have to go to work. So by the time i'm done painting, hopefully, and able to spend sometime enjoying the outdoors, i will have to get ready for work and then ultimately go to work, an office job, and stay inside for the next 3ish hours.

Ugh

Eww

Oh well, what can you do.

This Could be a Long One

Now before i say anything, i don't know how many people actually look at this thing or if it's only for my own venting enjoyment, but if you do happen to read this, there may or may not be some pretty personal stuff that you may or may not have experienced with me or otherwise.

For starters, i'm all alone this weekend. My parents decided to go up to Ottawa for some sort of conference. Yipee for them. While they're enjoying themselves: staying at the Marriot, right across from the parliment buildings, and looking at museums and art galleries and such, I am stuck at home, feeding the dog and sheep and cats, and painting. The garage, and arbour, and the house are all a lightish blue. I tried to convince my mom to let me paint something black besides the garage doors and myself, but she wouldn't let me. bah. One of these days..... Ok, so anyways, i was sitting at the piano just playing a tune, and i realized just how pathetic my life is, and will probably always be.

Ok, ok, i know i've said this before. But really i am. My parents are gone for one weekend, and i feel alone, even while my sister was still here. i mean, i've never really been the type to thrive on people and always need to have some sort of interaction. I'm just not that person. Little do people know, but i really need my space. The problem with me is that either i don't assert myself enough to tell people this, or its hereditary. I know it sounds weird, but its something that i have in common with several of my cousins from my moms side of the family. We are all able to hide, very well in fact, how we are truly feeling. And, at the risk of sounding like spiderman, this is our blessing, and our curse. i mean you may think its nice, but this gives us the tendency to not really be able to define our emotions as easily, and also not to truly trust people with said emotions. yes, i know there are people out there who i have spilled a few tears to, but rarely will i tell them everything that is going on.

i'm a lonely person, and i keep my emotions inside. But i also know that if i have someone who is constantly there and asking how i am, i would go crazy. I feel like i want to be a character in a book. And i read a lot of books. sometimes, i'm not going to lie, i want to be in that world, cuz reality can really suck, if you know what i mean. I know that i need to face reality, but who doesn't wish for the type of life that people have in books or movies. Sometimes i want to be that person who spontaneously flies halfway around the world. I want to be that person who gets lost and finds some sort of amazing adventure along the way.

But these things don't happen to people like me. I am the one who misses the exit but just takes the next one and turns around. I don't keep driving to see where the road would take me. I would love to go somewhere all by myself, to some far away country. And i know that by myself i would be able to let go and pull out all the stops and just live, but i also know that i need someone to share it with. I've been put down too many times by my "friends" with the line "Oh no, now she'll be talking about it for the next month." For example. I went to Ecuador a few years ago, while i was still in highschool. Most people that i knew had not been anywhere below florida or the Dominican Republic. But when i came back they were all just like, great, you went somewhere that we haven't, so what. Well i'll tell you what. I wanted to be able to tell people about all the sights, the smells, the sounds. I can still remember feeling the wind that was always blowing on my face, and whenever i smell diesel fuel, i can remember walking through the market. And i can still clearly see the mountains, and the faces of the people who walked for 3 days just to see a doctor. But even if i had gone to England, i would still want to tell them. Even now i wish i could know what it smells like in Ireland. What it looks like in Scotland to see it with my own eyes. What it sounds like to stand on the cliffs in Cornwall or Wales. Or what the wind feels like in Denmark.

Maybe i'm lonely because i haven't found that kindred spirit, if you will. Don't take me wrong, i have lots of friends i think, and i cherish them all, especially the close ones. But i want to know that its like the find that person who can feel the wind on their face and tell you the same things that you were just feeling because of that wind, and not that its ruining their hair, or they have dust in their eyes now.

Right now i am in a small world built of family, church, and friends. No, this is not necessarily a bad thing, but i want to expand that world. I want to make a path of my own, one that is not already laid out for my by church and family. But i don't want to lose what i have, because then i am afraid that i might be truly lost, and alone.

More on this later.....

Sunday, bloody sunday

today i'm giving out a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my cousin Emily. she's finally 18. in one more year i'll be able to take her out and we can wreck havoc on the town. but until then i'll just stick with looking for some sort of present that doesn't involve alcohol or something similar, lol. So happy B-day Em.

for the rest, its just been a normal sunday: baby sat tien and jude this morning, got thrown up on by Tien, yummy, walked around most of the day in my housecoat b/c my clothes were in the wash and i didn't feel like unpacking anything else, lol. And i finally figured out what fifi wrote on that cd he gave me, sort of. some sort of comment about hoping i enjoy the cd and not annoy others with my singing. bah. He's just jealous that he's a bass and not an alto.

well thats all for now folks. Enjoy your day!

bored

on this day, i am bored.
i don't know what to do with myself.
someone has taken over my life, and i am now avoiding my own comfort place.
why do we have to be so nice to people?

This is written by an extremely frustrated and tired individual, namely me. i hate it when a nice person happens to do something that gets on your nerves, all because you're grumpy. and you can't really complain because they are good people and by complaining about them, you are not.

Ugh, i hate my life.

(if you'll notice, a lot of these blogs will probably end with "my life sucks" or "life sucks." But don't worry, just because mine sucks, doesn't mean that yours has to, too)

on sleep

I like to sleep.

But i hate waking up.

Sometimes i wish i could sleep and not wake up.

Oh wait....thats death.

Do i want to die?

You tell me.

sailor moon, digimon, and brian regan

have you ever watched anime? those shows never cease to baffle me. i have no idea where they get the ideas for people with eyes that take up half their faces, or noses thats you can barely see. oh well, i guess you never know with those japanese, lol.

So taryn and i have become maybe a little bit addicted to digimon and sailor moon. i really like them, they put me to sleep, so i just watch them before i go to bed, lol. i think because i didn't watch tv as a child, i'm experiencing these things for the first time which is why they are so fascinating.

On that fateful day that i should have been studying and taryn came over, we also watched Brian Regan, who is, by the way, the funniest guy i have ever heard. i would definitely recommend him to anyone. i even find myself quoting him throughout the say, and taryn has started to talk like him too.

Well i should stop now before i start on a rant about the boring things i do in my life. i also need to stop evan from touching my head and hair from the top bunk, creepy creepy, where he and taryn are currently studying, and writing things, as i sit here on my bed, the bottom bunk, watching, you guessed it, Sailor Moon!

I have got to get a life.

welcome to the world of blogging

so i'd like to welcome myself to the vast and dangerous world of BLOGGING!!!! yes i am a bit of a dramy, as amie likes to say, even though i am actually a history major, but no, i don't usually get the urge to suddenly write a paper.

so i go to redeemer university college with all the other uberly cool people in the world. right now, as we come up on the end of the school year, i am living with 6 other amazing girls, but next year, in septy, i will be living with good old amie, jess, and brittney, all amazing girls who i occasionally get along with.

well thats all for today folks. Until next time on Beccarooni at 8, where we will learn from fifi how to measure the brain waves of bugs for hours at a time.